In case you were wondering, my dear children....

B:

• You can sleep if I'm not holding you, I promise.
• Your brother is not the only interesting human being in your life. Laugh for Mommy or Daddy every once in a while, please?
• Stop growing! Mommy just got finished going through all the 0-6 month clothes; she doesn't want to start all over again with the next round in your wardrobe.
• Your hands are attached to you. Whenever one escapes from your mouth, don't fret; it'll be back soon.

J:

• Yes, a movie is technically over when the credits begin to roll, but you don't need to jump up instantly and remove the DVD from the player especially if: a) there are amusing things happening during/after the credits, or b) you are planning on losing/scratching the DVD.
• If you're hungry for a snack, just tell me what you want. I know you know the words for your favorite foods. The whole rigmarole where I list every food in the house while you yell/grunt a negative got old long ago.
• Stop learning brand names! It's really disconcerting to hear you yell 'Wahmart!' when we go shopping; 'Deezy' whenever we watch a movie; 'Djepadee' whenever I'm watching my favorite game show; and 'Enbeezee!' every time I watch the Tonight Show. It makes mommy feel like she's overexposing you to commercialization, when really she doesn't think she is.
• When you notice the baby is sleeping, the proper response is not to yell, "Baby seeeeeeeeeepiiiiiing!"
• If the baby is grumpy and crying, the proper response is not to shriek back.
• If Mommy tells you that if you shriek again, you'll go on time-out, you probably shouldn't answer her with another mind-ringing shriek.