Ironically, He's Never Seen Star Wars.

I was just looking at Epic Win FTW and J crawled up on my lap, saw this picture.









He pointed at it and said, "Ball! Spase-sip ball!"

I love this kid.

At least he was honest.

We had J in the bath (or as he says, "Issa doing baff a spash!") as we did little chores around the house that are hard to do with him present. Dave and I took turns checking on him every couple of minutes--before you call CPS, our apartment is approximately 30 ft square, and it's about 3 steps from the kitchen to the bathroom. A few minutes ago, D calls to me, asking if the bathmat was wet last I checked. I replied, 'no' and went in to take a look.
There was literally a puddle. Dave asks J, "What did you do?"
J gives a little smile, and picks up a small bucket of water, and, quite dramatically, dumps it on the bathroom floor.
*facepalm*

Grampa on the brain

What do Grampa, garbage, and Christmas all have in common?

J pronounces them all the same way.
"Gappa! Gamma!"
"Wow big twuck! Issa gappa twuck."
"Gappa twee issa yights caye cans?"


*Translations:
'Grandpa! Grandma!'
'Wow, big truck! It's a garbage truck!'
'Christmas tree has lights and candy canes?'

Death by cute.

There are times when B just wants to be laid down so she can look around. Yesterday morning was one of those times, as she made it quite clear to us. So, Dave set her on her blanket by the tree.
Instantly, J flops down next to her and yells ("Baby!" Just in case we've forgotten, I suppose).
She reacts by squealing and cooing.
He laughs and squeals as well.
She laughs back.
He laughs.
She laughs.
He giggles and squeals.
She giggles--full out-loud baby giggles.
Dave and I stare in amazement and amusement as they continue for about thirty seconds, then we both scramble for our camera phones.
J gets bored, and gets up and leaves.

And this is why we need a webcam for Christmas.

I win!

B had her 4-month appointment today. She's 75% for height, and has slimmed down to 95% for weight. Silly chubby baby. In case you're wondering, I predicted 16.5 lb, Dave predicted 20. So, I was closer! She's 16 lb, 12 oz, and full of thigh & tummy rolls.
:p

Thanks, kid.

The following exchange happened as Dave walked with J from the car to the apartment:

D: "What do you see? Do you see snow?"
J: "I see so."
D: "Is the snow cold?"
J: "So code. Issa so white?"
D: "Yes, the snow is white. Do you see a wall?"
J: "See wall."
D: "Do you see a door?"
J: "See door."
D: "Do you see Mommy?"
J: "AAAAAHHHHH!"

*It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas*

We were "blessed" with a heavy dusting of snow at some point early this morning so everything is mostly white outside. I thought J would be intrigued by the change of scenery, so I opened the blinds this morning to reveal the small accumulation of snow to him. The following verbal transaction ensued:

Me: "Jonas look! What's out there? What do you see?"
J: *gasps* *smiles*
Me: "What do you see?"
J: *points* "Twuck!"
Me: "What's the white stuff? See? Look, everything is white."
J: "White."
Me: "Yeah, its called snow. Can you say 'snow'? .... Snow. ... Jonas, can you say 'snow'?"
J: "Issa kina white?"
Me: "Sure, its a kind of white. Its called 'snow'!"
J: "So!"
Me: "Yeah! Snow!"
J: "Twuck! Issa white twuck! Car. Issa white car!"
Me: *facepalm*

Not my child...

I forgot to post this when it happened, but here you go anyway:

At Game Club last week, J was getting antsy, so I let him lead me around the building. As we neared the information desk, he noticed the display of several flags hanging from the wall. Just as a couple male students walk past, J looks up and points. "Fag. Two fags!"
Much stifled snickering ensues.
"No, honey. There's [quick mental counting] fourteen flags up there."
He looks at me very earnestly. "Two fags."
"Okay, honey."

Heaven help us if he figures out they're candy...

Ahh, the holidays. J is old enough to realize that something's going on and it might be fun. Already, whenever we drive after 4 pm, he's pointing out the windows and yelling, "Yook! Yights!" "Yook! Yights twee!"
He loves the tree display at Walmart ("Yook! Twee yights!" "Twee balls!" "Ball! One ball. Two balls!" "Yook! Sar twee!"), and is perpetually sidetracked by the massive child-magnets called 'toy displays'. I swear, those things must have been designed by the Pied Piper of Hamelin, because J can find them from across the store.
We are enjoying his new vocabulary ("Pwesents!"), and he is enjoying the Christmas tree, particularly the candy canes. Curiously enough, the tree keeps losing all of said candy canes below about 3.5 feet.
Or, as J says every time he presents me with handfuls of pilfered decorations, "Caye cans!"

Honesty.

This morning's wakeup call.

J: *pokes Dave's tummy*
 "Issa tummy. Tummy. Tummy. Issa issa issa big tummy."

Sibling Rivalry Begins Early

This morning, Shan and I were discussing various birth weights for ourselves, siblings, and our children. It then occurred to us (again, as we had forgotten) that, when B was born, most of the numbers given to her on her birth are 1 higher than J's numbers when he was born.

For example:
B's birth weight: 9 lbs. 7 oz.
J's birth weight: 8 lbs. 6 oz.
B's birth day: Aug. 14
J's birth day: Aug. 13
B's birth time: 8:-- AM
J's birth time: 8:-- PM

She also had to make her birth a bit more memorable - with the c-section and all.

I need a drink.

To my dear sweet little boy,
If there's one thing you take away from your childhood, I hope it is this:
When you poo in the bath, the proper response is not to pick it up with your bare hands and fling it all over the bathroom floor.
Sincerely,
Your loving mother.

Ode to a Magical Room

Oh, wondrous bathroom!
What is it about you that makes my infant so happy?
From rigid anger to wiggly smiles, all from being lain on the changing pad.
Is it your brightly white walls and ceiling?
Your soothing monotonal fan?
Your wet smell of soap, shampoo, and dirty laundry?
Your lack of a noisily intrusive toddler?
Or perhaps it is just the simple anticipation of imminent nakedness?

Whatever your secret, I love you, magic bathroom.

Imagination Begins at 2

Jonas has begun to use an imagination that nearly blows us away every time we observe it in action.

One day a few weeks ago, he was holding his big semi truck in the air, swinging it around, and making jet noises. One of us asked him what he had and he replied, "Pay-sip" (Spaceship).

Also, as a side note, he's learning songs. One of his books has the buttons that play the little electronic kids songs. Among the buttons on the book, one of which plays "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (Or the alphabet song, for those of you who know that both songs are the same tune). Anyway, today, we realize that he's trying to sing along simply by repeating "Twee-kol Sar. Twee-kol Sar. Twee-kol Twee-kol Sar."

He counts too. "Too-for" ... "too-for"

He learns from the best.

J has been sitting by Dave, babbling nonsense loudly while Dave & I attempted to have a conversation. Dave decided to turn the tables on J, and got right in his face, talking very fast, and taking as few breathes as possible, informed J on how annoying he was, how Dave was not going to stop talking, how Dave was actually making sense, etc.
J looked up at Dave, and said, "Annoying. Annoying noise."

Lost in translation

J: *pokes B's tummy hard*

B: *lies there with a stunned look on her face*

Me: "No, no. Remember, we need to be gentle with the baby."

J: *pokes B's tummy hard* "Dentol, baby!"

I'm so proud.

The dryer at our apartment complex sucks. So, as usual, I was hanging up the baby clothes (seriously--it couldn't dry a 3/4 load of baby laundry), and J comes up to me, and starts taking clothes out of the basket and draping them on the rack. I was so happy! He's been watching Dave and I and is trying to help! I thank him and he keeps helping....until we get to the bottom of the basket.
He takes the last few clothes out and throws them on the floor. He then upends the basket onto his head and runs off giggling.



Edited: Now he's wormed his way into the drying rack, and is watching VeggieTales from the safety of his fort, sitting on a small carpet of clean spit-up rags and pajama pants.

He likes the LOLcats, too.

As Dave & I drove home from Culver's today, yummies-to-go in hand, I realized (most unhappily) that the hole in the dome lid was too small to remove the spoon, thus preventing me from enjoying my Bananas Foster sundae. Dave laughed while he ate his Mint Oreo Mixer and I cursed at my lid for being a failure to convenience. Then, from the back seat, we hear,

"Fail!"

*twitch*

J has been really hyper all this evening, despite a nice walk to the park. Finally, I get him to leave B & me alone so I can feed her in peace.

Then, it's quiet; too quiet.

I put B down in her poo-chair, and go into our bedroom to discover that J has found the newly-sorted clean laundry, and is leaping and rolling in it like it's piles of leaves.

*twitch*

Unanswerable questions.

Why does B only exploda-poo in her cutest outfits?

How does J always know when I'm sneaking a cookie?

How did a sleeping B get chocolate on her tummy & pants? (yes, it was chocolate, I checked)

What prompted J to fling himself bodily on the couch and wake up his sleeping sister by slapping her cheeks?

Why does J need to confirm that he has made a yucky by sticking his hand down his diaper?

How does wearing a blue bow make B a boy?

How did J learn the words for 'cookie', 'donut', 'cake', 'candy', and 'ice cream' so readily and intelligibly?

How is B fit 0-3 mo pants so well, yet is almost too chubby for 3-6 mo shirts?

Why did we buy J a little step-stool of his own?

What happened to the full container of betta food that was in J's closet?

Please don't give my son any more sweets.

We had lots of fun yesterday at Sioux Center's Hallelujah Party. The range of costumes was impressive, although there were entirely too many broody, make-up'ed vampires for my taste (I hate teenage girls, so, so much). Despite the several Tiggers, there was only one Eeyore, and he got many 'awwww!'s. A group of foreign exchange students took pictures with him. He didn't care about the camera; he was focused very intently on the cupcakes each had won at the cakewalk. ("issa cookie? say peese") They offered him one, but I had to decline, since he already had gotten candy from the bank teller, the Hardee's cashier, and the Walmart greeter. Yikes. No more sugar.
B was also much admired, even though she could care less. It's amazing (and quite wonderful) how she falls asleep anywhere. If only J would still do the same.
:s

...and another one bites the dust.

We were at the library today when a little girl, about 3.5-4 years old, runs up to J and gives him a great big bear hug. She didn't let go...she still didn't let go...and so finally (about 10 seconds--a long time when you're two) J gets bored and tries to squirm out of the hug. She still held on, and the struggle ended when they both fell over, and J got up laughing. Over the course of the next 5 minutes or so, the girl chased J several times trying (and usually succeeding) to hug him again while J laughed hysterically. The girl's mom came in while she had J pinned, and was subsequently mortified. She chastised her daughter and apologized profusely to me. I laughed it off, explaining that J thought it was a grand time. She apologized again, bemoaning the fact that she knew what her daughter (also a J)* was likely to do, because as soon as they spotted us in the library, J-female apparently confided in her mom "I'm going to hug that boy."


* I won't say her name, partially in case anyone recognizes it, and partially because, in my mind, the name epitomizes everything I hate about modern "naming": it has no recognizable etymology, is ambigendrous, and suffers the indignity of having a superfluous 'y'.

Well, he does love VeggieTales...

While I was doing the dishes earlier, J walked up to me and announced that he was 'yucky'. I told him to go to the bathroom. He balked, so I said he could bring a toy, and he ran off. I dried my hands, and went into the bathroom to find this:

Thank you, Rick.

I just caught J pinching his confused sister's nose while repeating, "gotsano, gotsano".

Pumpkinland!

Yes, we took the small ones to Pumpkinland today. There are lots of of animals to look at and/or pet, like bunnies and puppies and chickens and geese and goats and sheep and a pony and llamas, not to mention, of course, the massive pumpkin patches. Want to guess what J saw?


The little girls' playhouse.

It wasn't a complete waste, though. We did convince him to pet the puppies, and Dave and I came away with fudge bars and pumpkin bread, as well as a pretty white pumpkin. We do, of course, intend to gut the pretty white pumpkin this weekend and make more yummies out of its viscera.
I love fall.

He's not sleeping anytime soon.

So, the other night Dave gave me the idea of dipping Fareway's awesome honey-wheat pretzels into almond bark. And this evening, I did.
Leaving them to dry on the counter, I started to go about the business of putting the small ones to bed. After he prevented B from falling and staying asleep, I finally got J leave us alone for a bit. Soon I realized he was being very quiet. B now being asleep, the apartment was almost silent....except for the barely audible sound of crunching. I went into the kitchen  just as J stood on his tiptoes and placed the last little bit of pretzel on the counter, and told me, "All gone."

Monkey Cheese!

I've come the the realization that a two-year-old's mind works in very interesting ways. Aside from the now-well-circulated "monkey cheese" [shredded coconut] proclamation, J has come up with other interesting ideas.

"Earth. Kind of moon?"

"Dragon. Kind of dinosaur?"

While watching StarGate with me: "Water door!"

Furiously trying to open a box of cake mix: "Cake! CAKE!!! Openit!"

After using trying each of his new markers exactly once: "Want more."

While watching VeggieTales: "What happened?"  
(turns and points at Dave) "Don't know."  
(turns and points to me) "What happened?

After seeing me place a bowl of Spaghetti-os on his tray for supper: "Cookie, okay?"

The Bad Beginning

Heyo! I've decided to start this blog for two reasons:
Reason the first: To give the grandparents somewhat regular updates on the exploits of the children, without clogging up my relatively-sparse-by-choice Facebook profile.
Reason the second: To provide a place for my husband and me to keep track of the humourous/touching/bizarre events that occur while supervising our spawn.

If anyone else is amused, distracted or otherwise entertained, that is a bonus.
:D