I'm taking away your rights to reasoning.

J & B were fighting over a book (be still, my heart!) off-and-on for quite some time. Finally, I got fed up and put it out-of-reach, and told them they could have it back if they played nicely for a while. B forgot about it instantly (oh, to be 2), but J kept asking for it back. Every time he was firmly rebuffed, but he's nothing if not persistent.
Finally, he seemed to grasp that he was not getting the book back.
"Fine, I'll just play with my toys!" *pout*
"Okay, that's a good idea."
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I say A BOOK IS A TOY!"

Sure, kid; we'll get right on that for you.

J was playing with the infant bathtub, while B napped on the couch.
"Yook, Mommy! I'm in Bwidget's baff-tub!"
"I see that. But, you know, that's not really B's bathtub anymore. That's for little babies."
He points to snoring B. "There's a baby right there."
"B is a big baby. We don't have any little babies."
"We don't?"
"No, we don't. But we might someday [before I get phone calls & emails, this is a hypothetical 'someday'!]. Would you like more little babies?"
He furrows his eyebrows and thinks for a bit.
"Yes. I want more boys."

One-Track-Mind

So, in preparation for B moving into her own bed in what-will-be the kids' shared bedroom, I've been letting them both have their bedtime routine in my & Dave's room. Typically, they happily read and sing our bedtime songs, and then start bouncing around after the lights go out. After squirming and giggling, and kicking each other for about 1/2 an hour, they'll calm down and fall asleep.
Last night, however, neither protested when I said it was bedtime. They both got into bed, and snuggled under the blanket. I turned off the lights, and everything was quiet. I was just thinking that perhaps they were going to accept sleep quietly when J yelled out, "Hey! I need a chocolate!"
Exasperated, I when to shush him. He was asleep.
Apparently, he even dreams of candy.

We don't eat our friends.

We were out to eat at a buffet-style place today, and with dessert, Dave brought a handful of gummy bears (because yes, he is still a child sometimes). J happily munched on one, while B looked confused. Dave offered her one, and she got a huge smile. "Dis! Dis!"
"It's a bear."
"Baybaybaybay!"
And she set it up nicely on the table, facing her. Dave offered her another. She squealed, took it, and set it next to the first one. She studied them for a bit, then picked one up in each hand, and started bouncing them on the table.
"Dances. Dances!"
Dave & I tried to stifle our laughter while she looked very proud of herself. Then she carefully brought them together so they touched.
"Kisses! Kisses!"
And then we lost it. Of course, since Mommy and Daddy were giggling, she had to repeat the show several times. Once she got tired of it, Dave pantomimed eating one. She was very indignant. She did, eventually, shove them into my mouth (what a chore, having to eat gummy bears), which was hysterical. She was then confused when she couldn't find them. Oh well.

The moral of the story is, if you don't want your food-loving toddler to eat something, make it look like a toy.

Silence is never golden.

The kids have been playing together well lately (for the most part, anyway). They're really starting to collaborate in ways vaguely reminiscent of my & my little brother....which scares me.
Yesterday, they were playing in J's room (which will be their shared room eventually). No screaming, banging, crashing, or crying. All was well, and since I was doing dishes in peace, more time went past than I realized. This was worrisome.
My suspicions were confirmed when I entered the room to find J's bed as taken apart as a preschooler and toddler could make it: sheets and blanket everywhere, mattress off and shoved against a wall; even pillow removed from the pillowcase. The bed-frame was in the center of the room, with two children on it, looking very pleased with themselves.
"J! What are you doing?!?"

Big smile. "Is a boat!"

Everything's a wonder.

We recently got a couple hanging plants for the apartment, and put them in front of the living room windows (it's starting to look like a home, yay!). Since it's nice and cloudy today, I decided to water them now, before I forgot. J watched with fascination.
"Hey, what you doing?"
"I'm giving the plants some water."

He stewed this over for a minute, and then eagerly began trying to climb the gate near the window.
"Hey, hey! Needa pick up! Needa see a plants drink a water!"

Also known as "bad joke device".

I was going about my business this morning, when I heard an odd beeping. Lots of the kids' toys make noises (thanks, Gmas & Gpas), so at first I didn't think anything of it. The beeping seemed to be wandering around the apartment, but neither of the kids had any of the usual suspects--J was playing quietly with his trains, and B appeared to be "talking" on a toy phone. The beeping followed me from the living room into the kitchen, as did B. Then I took a closer look at her "phone".
She'd somehow gotten ahold of the stud-finder.

Pronunciation: Not a Three-Year-Old's Strong Point

We went out to eat tonight to Long John Silver's (not our proudest moment, but it tastes good once every few months), and J got a kid's meal with chicken, fries, and a hush puppy. It's been a while since we've been to Long John's, so he wasn't too sure about the hush puppy. He refused to try it at first, even after seeing me eat one of mine. We got him to try it by telling him its 'kinda like a doughnut.' He happily dipped it in ketchup and started munching on it. It seemed to be a hit, though he didn't want another one after he finished that one. Anyway, he kept talking about the doughnut. I decided that since he already liked it, he could know what it's actually called. The following conversation ensued:

Me: It's called a hush puppy.
J: Yeah! I eat a dog!
Me: No, its a *Hush Puppy.*
J: Yeah! You eat a puppy!
Me: *Hush Puppy!*
J: You eat a pus puppy!

At this point, I dropped the hush puppy I *had* been eating and we started laughing. Not quite enough to put me off my appetite, but close.

Литл Баттхеда

Yesterday, we took the small ones to the mall. While there, I needed to go to the ATM, and since J was done eating, and getting antsy, I told him to come with me, and he could push the buttons when I told him to. He generally does pretty well; I let him do this at stores often. The ATM in the food court is all new and fancy and smart. It even remembers what language you want, so that next time you use a networked ATM, you don't even have to tell it. So, of course, when the language selection screen come up, what does J do?
He jumps up, and hits the touchscreen, selecting Russian.
Guess I'm not using Bank of America ATMs anymore.

Progress?

I freely admit, my kids don't wear a lot at home. I figure, being naked or semi-naked, is only cute (and socially acceptable) for a short period; might as well let them enjoy it.
B was running around nakers tonight, and kindly let me know I'd left the hall closet ajar by bringing out & waving around a couple diapers. She likes to play with cloth; don't know why, but it's easier to clean up than crayons & shredded paper so, whatever.
As I sat at my computer, I heard an ever-so-familiar tinkling sound, and looked up to see B studying the growing puddle at her feet. She then threw the prefold (diaper) she was carrying to the ground, and bent down to wipe it up.
I don't know whether to laugh, be annoyed, or be impressed....*sigh*

Tricksy Toddlerses

It was about an hour or so after supper, and I was sitting on the couch while J & B played. J  ran off to his room, and B suddenly decided she needed something. Her vocabulary is still pretty limited, so her "asking" consists of her pointing and whining. She was pointed and whining at the hanging fruit baskets very insistently, so I picked her up and held her near. To my surprise, she didn't want a banana (her usual fruit of choice); she was demanding an apple. Fine with me. I cut one up, put it in a bowl, and set it on the coffee table. She began wailing.
I followed her into the kitchen, where she stood sobbing, and pointing at the cabinets. I took a guess, and put a spoonful of peanut butter in the bowl with the apples. One of J's favorite snacks lately has been apples and peanut butter, and apparently she approves as well.
I left her happily at the coffee table with her snack, and went to go check on J. I returned to find a peanut butter-smeared toddler and a bowl full of apple slices.
All she wanted was the peanut butter.